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Engaging Methuen Readers


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I Hate Fairyland

AKA “F**k Fairyland,” this obscenity-laced (well, fake obscenity-laced) gorefest is a shoo-in for fans of Deadpool and Tank Girl.

First of all, we have Gertrude. When Gert was six, she made a thoughtless wish and was instantly (and traumatically) transported to Fairyland, where the colors are brighter, the queen is made of clouds, and the only way out is an unfindable key. Which, of course, Gert is supposed to find. After 27 years of this nonsense, Gert has had enough. Maybe she never developed anger management skills. Maybe the diet of constant sugar has worn her personality down to a blackened nub. Maybe 27 years of being a six-year-old would drive anyone crazy. Regardless of the reason, Gert has become an unchecked homicidal terror who slaughters the fair folk with gleeful abandon. The queen is desperate to be rid of her…by any means necessary.

This book is a simple joy. It is also critically important to the safety of every living human. Every American should be given a copy on the day of their birth. It should be required reading in elementary, middle and high schools. College courses should be taught. Degrees should be given. This book is the blueprint for surviving a trip to a magical land. Not The Chronicles of Narnia. Not Harry Potter. This.

Allow me to explain.

Since time out of memory, fairies, which are amoral, shapeshifting beings made of pure magic, have been tricking humans. Sometimes, they have done this for fun, as you’ll see in the case of a sprite like Puck of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Other times, they settle for profit or political gain, as you’ll see in the case of Morgana le Fey of the Arthurian legends. But to a fairy, they’re fickle and easily distracted.

Except when they really, really want to get something done.

Remember, these are beings of 100% magic we’re talking about. They have no reason to care about cash because they can magic it up out of thin air. Human lifespans are blinks to them. When they’re even remotely interested in something that happens in the mortal world, that means there’s something up. Since we humans aren’t beings of pure magic, odds are decent that we have no idea what the hell is really going on. In the case of I Hate Fairyland, everyone in the magical kingdom wants Gert to find the key and return to the human world…but why?

Why bring a little human girl to Fairyland in the first place? To open the door to Earth, of course! Why can’t a fairy find the key and open the door themselves? Because they are magically inhibited from doing so, obvs. Why is that?

They lost a war. To us.

Look around you. Notice the lack of talking flies and capering fauns. Yet they feature prominently in our literature and, according to this invaluable tome, know nearly everything about Earth. Once, they were familiar with human society, enough to adopt sartorial traditions, lingustic foibles, and a taste for refined sugar. Now, they are gone without a trace. So is all their mischief: very little magically-enhanced gold-hiding, boot-switching or baby-stealing happens these days. As the world became increasingly wealthy, shod and conscious of child safety, even small mischiefs would have become a hitch in the system. That is why humanity defeated fairykind and locked them up in the disgustingly, ironically, maddeningly cute and harmless Fairyland. Fierce fairy warriors? Reduced to a stoner punchline. Their noble queen? Going stir-crazy. Their denizens? Confined. Jailed. Limited…to muffin-chomping Fairyland. And only a human can free them.

Free them to wreak their sweet, sweet revenge on the species that trapped them in Hell.

Gertie may seem awful. She may seem out of control. But by dramatically failing in her quest time and time again, she has saved humanity from a neon rainbow nightmare. By causing the doom of hundreds of fairies, Gert has cut down on the army that waits for a single gullible child to open the way. By distracting the queen with sheer hatred, she has once again saved us all. Gert is a hero.

Let’s treat her as such.

Also Read:

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Tank Girl, Book One by Jamie Hewlett and Alan Martin

She drives a tank and does not care about your pain. She’s Tank Girl! From terrorizing her kangaroo boyfriend to blowing up your mom, she’s the best action the Outback has seen since the Apocalypse.

 

 

 

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Deadpool v. 1 by Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

The Merc with a Mouth is back again…and again…and again! Let’s amend that: the unkillable Merc with a Mouth is back to drive you crazy, win your heart, and make the chimichangas.

 

 

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Comics with Pride

This June has proven to be a hard one for the LGBT community. We expected to be celebrating a year of marriage equality, but instead, we mourn the deaths of fifty young LGBT people.

Even as we do, our straight friends and family stand with us. One gunman destroyed many lives, but how many have been saved by supportive family and friends? How many lost people have accepted the rope thrown to them by thousands of brave others who dared to come out of the closet, or to break social convention and accept their loved ones, and show the world that we could live together peacefully?

We need to mourn this atrocity. But as we do, let’s also remember the hordes of blood donors, the piles of sympathy flowers and the vigils, not to mention the hundreds asking when and where they can donate to a victim support fund. When bad things happen, focus on the good people who turn up. They’re the ones who count.

And now for some books.

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (also Dykes to Watch Out For)

Growing up in rural Pennsylvania, Alison Bechdel’s world is tiny, and it is ruled absolutely by her tyrannical father. When she grows up, goes to college and comes out, she discovers a shocking family secret: her father has been quietly dating his male high school students for years.

 

Stuck Rubber Baby by Howard Cruse (also Wendel)

Toland Polk and Ginger are great together, except for one thing: Toland is gay. As he supports his African-American friends in the midst of the Civil Rights struggle of the 1960s, Toland also wrestles with his own identity.

 

Blue is the Warmest Color by Julie Maroh

The day Clementine catches sight of Emma by chance is a fateful one that touches off a powerful, tempestuous romance. As their relationship grows, the two women struggle with Clementine’s family’s rejection of their lesbian daughter.

 

Pregnant Butch by A.K. Summers

Ever heard that lesbians are do-it-yourselfers? Teek and Vee prove that there’s a kernel of truth to every stereotype! When the stars align, the couple decide that Teek, a masculine-presenting woman, will be the one to have their son. Through the identity dust-up that follows, Teek learns that being pregnant and being butch aren’t exclusive.

 

Kaptara by Chip Zdarsky and Kagan McLeod

Absurd and funny, this book follows the adventures of Keith, gay Earth-man scientist who isn’t terrific at his job. When he crash-lands on the barbarian planet Kaptara, he immediately proclaims himself Keith, Prince of the Dance Floor and chickens out of a quest. Which he ends up going on anyway. Hilarity ensues.

 

Infinite Loop by Pierrick Colinet and Else Charri

Teddy’s job is to fix time anomolies. Unfortunately, one of those anomolies is a beautiful woman named Ano. Will Teddy defy the laws of time and space to be with the girl of her dreams?

 

 

The Wicked + the Divine by Kieren Gillan

The gods are among us, and they’re ready to rock. When the deities of old are reborn as pop stars, the world falls in love with them even as they fall into bed with one another. But in a short while, it’ll all end in flames…sooner for some than others. As tensions heat up, gender outlaw Lucifer may be the first god to be tried for murder.

 

Wuvable Oaf by Ed Luce

Oaf’s a big, strong guy. You’d better not mess with his kittens. (He loves those kittens.) Don’t get in the way of his search for love in San Francisco’s alt rock scene either. But do read this book, because whatever else Oaf is, he’s inherently wuvable.

 

Flutter, v. 1: Hell can wait by Jennie Wood

Lily wants the girl, but the girl’s hard to get. Using her shapeshifting powers, she becomes a boy…but learns that pretending to be someone she’s not doesn’t solve her problems.